she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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