ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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