all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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