Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize