party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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