I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
