I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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