3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
