she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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