Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
