i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
