Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
