Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
