The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
