I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
