Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
