During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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