I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
