Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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