I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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