Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
