Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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