return my video game
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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