I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
