my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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