I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
