You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
