Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
