Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
