You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
