he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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