he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
and you fell through a lawn chair
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize