i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
