i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
