Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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