I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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