I need help removing her.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
