I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
