Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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