One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
