Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
