dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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