peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
