You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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