did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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