No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
