i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
