so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize