So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
