So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
