hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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