I bet he comes in French.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
