"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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