Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
