I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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