Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
