I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
