He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize