I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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