I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
