I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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