Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
