Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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