i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
