I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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