Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
