the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
