Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
