A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
