If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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