my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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