last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
