it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
